Good Reading

I read three good stories recently, and am always surprised when a book stays with me, almost haunts me with its characters, or twists and turns, or the depth of the heart issues. None are light-hearted, but somehow these serious times seem to spark the investment in more serious matters. Judge for yourself.

"Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time", by Mark Haddon, is an absolutely dead-on journey into the heart and mind of an autistic young adult who tries to find out who murdered his neighbor's dog. The language, the way his mind processed, the voice of that young man was so audible, one could almost turn around and expect to see his flesh and blood. Funny, heart-rending, mysterious, very satisfying read. Thanks, Karen, for the recommendation.

Marilynne Robinson's "Home", grasped off the Target shelf just plain broke my heart. I wasn't sure I could do the world of an alcoholic prodigal, but she lured me in, kept me, and brought me to tears, connected me with the Lord, and reminded me of the intrinsic value of reading- that journey into the outskirts of a life that could have been yours; the life that reminds you of your own blessedness; the life that demands to be noticed and counted. I loved Jack, the alcoholic brother, Glory, his spinster sister, and his failing pastor father- all painted so much like children of God- sinful, forgiven, lost, needy, loving- a conglomeration of the best and worst in each of us. And I am always thankful when someone can paint a true Christian- not perfect, not horrific, just human in need of God. It's really such a rare occurrence, that I don't usually even like 'Christian novels." This one's different. Honest. I feel like I lived with these people a week, and I just plain miss them. The writing is very fine and worthy of mention in this trite book world we usually see. It's too bad that folks 'turned off' by religion probably won't touch this after reading the blurb; they will have missed one really fine book journey.

Lastly, I literally flew through "Oxygen", by Carol Cassella. Surprising, because there is a lot of medical stuff to labor through, and she is very descriptive, which can be off-putting when you want to find out what happens. The author is an anesthesiologist/writer. The story journals an anesthesiologist who is part of a surgical trauma (but not a memoir) Don't want to give away the plot line. Good stuff. And again, exception writing for a first-time novelist.

I'm always interested in your choices. Let me know what you think. Read more!

Fear and trembling...

So yesterday, I sat down to my quiet time with the Lord. I read "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling." (Phil. 2:12) And I started thinking about something I heard preached recently. That most people do not 'fear' God. They will hide their stuff from man, but give no thought to God watching it all, God just longing to be in relationship with them. They will accept the sweet promises of God- mercy, forgiveness, peace, joy- while ignoring his warnings about judgement for disobedience or for not receiving his Son.

And I was convicted. Of not fearing God enough. "How can a good God allow such things to happen to people?" came to mind. A question so many ask, but can't accept the answer. God is God. He is all-powerful, almighty, all-knowing. And sees beyond all we can think or imagine or understand. He is not willing that any should perish, but wants everyone to live in heaven with Him at the end of the earth's time. He hates evil, loves good, and is always working on our behalf. Because He wants communion with us.

So what's my problem? Well, I disconnect with Him. I'll be right on track, reading my Bible with my heart connected, praying and serving, in a humble broken place, then...wham. I just turn away to do my own thing. It's especially evident in the evenings, when I'm tired. I don't even ask Him what I should be doing, I just go my way, doing...well, mostly nothing.

So I'm going on record with a confession that I need to do His thing. Maybe it will be relaxing, maybe walking, maybe sleeping earlier, maybe reading or praying more. But here's the crazy thing. I can't even 'work out my own salvation' without His help. The best news in this confession is that I can come, as He promises, "boldly to the throne of grace in time of need." Well, Lord, I need more of you in my life. More fear and trembling. More love. More faith. More grace. Amen. And here is the rest of it. Read more!

The Year in Retrospect

I'm just saying, it's been a rough year in the Hope-Hedeen household. Not trying to 'waa waa' about it (ok, sure I am)
but we're feeling a little singled out and hard-pressed on every side. Or is everyone's life this crazy?
Let's see. Just to review.

January-June: Daughter #3 needs foot surgery. Many hours spent nursing her, driving her, therapying her, entertaining her in her couch boredom. Not to mention the job every parent is called to perform: "cheerleading". Rah rah. (insert victory cheer here, which sounds something like 'Get-off-the-couch-and-get-walking-cause-I'm-not-a-very-merciful-nurse' to the tune of the Notre Dame theme song, for lack of a better one)

February: Hope-Hedeen mother #1, Millard daughter #3 gets a bad haircut. Hey, bad haircuts are too traumatic. Barbara will testify on my behalf.

April 20: Dog #2 gets murdered. All its various and assorted violations.

Also April: Churchill show production #2 gets blacked out in an electrical outage. Well, maybe this isn't so bad, since we added a matinee and drew an outstanding house the next day. But in the moment, with 500 people looking at me for guidance, it was pretty stirring.

May: Hmm. Pretty quiet. Time to re-group and focus on someone else for a change (see 'ongoing' below)

July: Husband #2 (is this offensive wit?) gets a 20% pay cut and life-threatening comments concerning commission.

August 8: Son #1 and only has his first car accident. Mostly excused for bad weather. Thankfully, he was fine, just mad to ruin his perfect driving record (well, 'perfect' is such a strong word, coming from the woman who did that 50 hours of driver training with him, and has fingernail scratches in the dashboard to prove it). Most the trauma fell on the vehicle, in this particular instance. But when that phone rings and the kid cries, "Mom..." -whew, the heart takes a major hit.

August 13: Same #1 son (perhaps he should be de-ranked for the double hit) is broadsided, this time in (insert 'ahem' here) my car. Second "Mom" phone call in a week that sends me into partial cardiac arrest, and sends my van into driving arrest. Double thankfully, he was fine. Totally not his fault. Wish that affected the financial outcome more.

Also in August: Hubbie #1 and only (ok, I'll promote him) is told if he doesn't make commission, he is out of a job in two months. Now, I don't do so well personally when my loved ones are threatened. It makes me kinda mad. (kinda mad is probably the wrong phrase here. But my mother doesn't let me use the word 'pissed')

Three endless weeks in August: The worst sinus infection of my life, which greatly affected my outlook on the three above August tragedies. I don't normally get sick (except for my back), but this time I'm saying "Can anybody get me a glass of water, I'm dying of thirst". Which makes me think I should send money to Africa for well-digging. (potential blog subject for the future thought inserted here)

Ongoing: Because the events in my loved ones lives bring me to my knees and shake me almost as much as my own, I would also include briefly- Andy's lost job(s), Abigail's pay decrease and ongoing health issues, David and Janie's endless car and kid stuff, Bruce and Becky's theft, Dave S's being run over by his car (with its very own miraculous survival story), Tony and Rachel's Africa postponement, Karen M's father's and mother's death, Mary R's cancer struggles, Katie's (perhaps at 18 you should stop going to the playground at night) broken leg, 3-month-old baby Bryson's cancer battle....and the rest, that might escape me at the moment, but are sucked into my heart cries always.

Which brings me to today, August 17.

All humor aside, how do people walk this life without Christ? My lifeboat. Gripping on to Him with everything in me.

Here comes the Fall. Hmm.



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WHS 1969-2009

The day of the reunion this anxiety hit, that was almost paralyzing. Walking back into your past after forty years is fairly daunting, and I had only ever seen one person from my class, since college. I struggled with what to wear, what time to go, walking in alone. All for naught, as it turns out.
Choices I made:
a) I went alone. That way I had to enter alone, but also could control the time. No nervous talking in my ear, either.
b) I went an hour late. Not the best choice, as I lost a lot of relational time, but good because the room was full.
c) I wore a somewhat dressy black thing. While there were folks in jeans and capris, many were very dressed up. I felt good and that always helps, doesn't it?

The first minute was very overwhelming. But one of my good friends was at the door to help me over that hurdle. And the rest of the night was one big spin. Literally, I could have just stood still, while people shifted. It was like pathwords. Hit, connect, connect, connect, get interrupted, and start again.

There was so much great conversation, but trying to sort it out the next day was virtually impossible, because there was simply no air time between people, to digest what had been said.

Things about our class that are still true:
a) We are a nice bunch of people. Teachers used to say we were a kind thoughtful stimulating lot, and that still seems to hold true.
b) There are always a few that contradict that. (enough said)
c) We love to talk, love music and dancing, and love one another.

I won the raffle, an iPod, loaded with 100 greatest hits from 1969. I was given a unique handcrafted necklace. I stayed very very late, and enjoyed every single minute. Saw some college friends, some of my siblings' friends, and reconnected with some who were very important in my growing up years. I did miss my very best friend's presence. We would have had a slumber party and rehashed the whole event, had she been there.

If you're the planner I would suggest:
a) nametags w/ the high school yearbook picture on them- some folks have changed sooooo much.
b) a polaroid of each person/couple as they walk through the door, to be later compiled into a book or onto Facebook.
c) a wall board of info about those who have passed away- this was a precious remembrance, reading about each one.

My recommendation: Get a great outfit and go. Don't worry about your hair or your weight or your age. Most the people in the room will look just as old as you. And you just might learn some things about yourself. I discovered people had some very nice things to say about me, and that was encouraging. Guess I wasn't quite as nerdy as I thought.

Class of 69. Still cool.


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the reunion thing

So my reunion is just a few short weeks from now, and I'm experiencing all the anxieties connecting with meeting up with people you haven't seen in 40 years.As A.A. Milne said, "All sorts of funny thoughts go running round my head..." and I'm just letting them run rampant at this point, because...well, because why not?

What if only a few people show up? And I don't know them, don't recognize them? What if they don't want to talk to me? Or what if we run out of things to say? What if they hang in groups and just give me that 'no one really cares about you look' that we all remember from high school? OR...what if I get there and have nothing to say to them?

I have a few nightmare thoughts as well. There's the obvious arriving without the right clothes, or worse yet, no clothes, only to have to flee, and return, this time without shoes, or shirt or to return, and no one's there. They've all disappeared. Or moved the party so I can't find it. Or...just ridiculous rantings, aren't they?

But...then really, what if... I get lost in my own 'old' hometown? Or can't find parking? Or...here's a big one...get all dressed up and everyone else arrives in capris? Or arrive in capris and everyone else is in cocktail attire?

I keep asking myself why I am going when my best high school friend is not, my good old safety net, safely nestled in Texas, far from all semblance of re-uning. I don't really have a good answer. Except that I'm curious, after all these years. And I like meeting people and hearing their stories. And they asked me, and some have even shown interest in seeing me. And I'm going to be right there for my annual summer visit to the area. And...because it's happening and I like a happening and missed the first two and...because I found out so many of them have died and I want to know why and...just because I can, I guess.

So, I'm going. I really am, if I can just remember to get that check in the mail. And if I can just be brave while entering alone. And if I don't get lost or stolen or strayed. And the biggest if...if I can find something to wear that makes me still look 18. ( I can hear that laughing, shhhhh...)

So I'm off to totally belabor the point. Send forth any reunion wisdom. Especially on how to dress.

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Beach and Katie- June 20, 2009

What a lovely weekend we had in Maryland, at Beach and Katie's wedding. Add it to the list of family weddings in recent years that are lots of fun, and a great chance to 'reune' together.

Barb and Terry, Nancy Liz, Don, Frank and Linda, Jesse and Brooke, Uncle Tommy and Aunt Nancy...represented our ever-increasing family. We shared a hotel, the pool and hot tub, lots of great food and much joy. It's really beautiful near Baltimore. Lots and lots of water and sailboats, bridges and islands, and one fabulous outlet mall.

Friday evening, we were treated by Tom and Jody to some of the best sushi I have ever eaten. This nifty little restaurant. We mingled with food and drink on a lovely porch, beautiful sun and breezes, and had a chance to meet Katie's family and all the young friends this couple has.

Saturday dawned with thundershowers, enormous humidity. By the time we reached the church, the sun had come out, little breeze, and the day reminded me of Hannah and Brad's wedding- pretty stiff temps. But those clever men didn't wear tux coats- just pink or lime green shirts, tie and suspenders, so they did pretty well. The girls wore brown with pink trim. The bride's dress was also trimmed in pink.

On to the reception. At a beautiful camp/conference center sort of grounds, surrounded by water, and pine trees and God's creation, they had a beautiful tent and some of the loveliest and most creative table arrangements- Stargazer lilies and pink roses. Old-fashioned canning jars w/ pink lemonade, lots of candles and Christmas lights.

There was dancing (on the dance floor imported from Buffalo by the groom and friends), and pictures, of course endless pictures, and laughter, and great food.

Beach surprised Katie with a honeymoon to Cancun, and Katie's dad surprised her with a stunning handcrafted cedar chest for their bedroom. I got to spend Sunday with Charlotte and her boyfriend (who is Katie's brother!), and at Katie's family home. They are really wonderful people and it was just neat getting to know them better.

Home again. Ah...the joys of marriage and family. We bless the Roe and Villwock families as they recuperate- physically, emotionally, and I'm sure financially. (insert smile here) God is smiling at this new union of families.

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non-ellipsoidal

isn't it sad when you just have nothing to say. I think perhaps I have run out. And here is the rest of it. Read more!